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BIDEN WINS $235 IN VEGAS, DOUBLES NET WORTH

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OBAMA’S KATRINA TARGETS NORTHEAST

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BALTIMORE BRACES FOR HURRICANE LOOTERS

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APPLE SHARES DIVE ON TIM COOK DEMAND TO ADD FLIP-OUT SCREWDRIVER, KNIFE BLADE, NAIL FILE, AND CORK OPENER TO IPHONE 6

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OBAMA TRIPLE-BOGIES 13, BLAMES BUSH FOR PIN PLACEMENT, EARTHQUAKE

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BACHMANN PROMISES ‘REAGANESQUE’ 79 CENT GASOLINE AND COTTON CANDY FOR ALL

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MINNESOTANS AMASS TROOPS AT BORDER AS OBAMA CAMPAIGN WAR BUS NEARS

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OBAMA PROMISES TO UNVEIL AWESOME NATIONAL PROSPERITY PLAN SHORTLY AFTER 2012 REELECTION

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OBAMA LAUNCHES SPEAKING TOUR IN NEW BULLETPROOF B-1 BOMBER

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MAJORITY OF PEOPLEOFWALMART.COM PEOPLE BELIEVE THEY’RE CELEBS NOW

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DOW PLUNGES AS INVESTORS FLEE INTO GOVERNMENT-BACKED SECURITIES OVER FEAR OF STABILITY OF GOVERNMENT-BACKED SECURITIES

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U.S. MAY HAVE TO DISCONTINUE BILLIONS IN FOREIGN AID TO PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY, HAMAS, AL QUEDA

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