Prevent Truth Decay

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>CHEVY VOLT NOW ELLIGIBLE FOR CASH FOR CLUNKERS PROGRAM

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>U.S. POPULACE COLLECTIVELY DE-FRIENDS OBAMA

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>NATION SHIFTS WEIGHT UNEASILY DURING OBAMA’S MID-SPEECH ARGUMENT WITH TELEPROMPTER

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>OBAMA TO ADDRESS NATION ON ‘NEW WARS AND RUMORS OF WARS’

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MICKEY ROONEY OPTS FOR LABORIOUS CAREER REVIVAL OVER PEACEFUL PASSING IN THE NIGHT

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>MICKEY ROONEY OPTS FOR LABORIOUS CAREER REVIVAL OVER PEACEFUL PASSING IN THE NIGHT

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CBS TAPS NYC MOB TO MANAGE COURIC UNEMPLOYMENT PROJECT

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>CBS TAPS NYC MOB TO MANAGE COURIC UNEMPLOYMENT PROJECT

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SYRIA SET TO BECOME THIRD OR FOURTH IN OBAMA’S WAR COLLECTION

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NUCLEAR POWER PLANT POWERED MOTORCYCLE PUT ON HOLD

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>SYRIA SET TO BECOME THIRD OR FOURTH IN OBAMA’S WAR COLLECTION

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>OBAMA CLARIFIES LIBYAN MISSION IN EYE LINER ON KRISPIE KREME NAPKIN

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>EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE FORMED TO FIND MISSING SOCK

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>RUBBER BAND BALL PROJECT ENDS UP NOT BEING MONEY-MAKER FOR UNEMPLOYED LOSER

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>WAR PREP CAUSES WHITE FLAG SHORTAGE IN FRANCE

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>DEATH OF THREE-NEIGHBORHOOD NEWSPAPER DELIVERY ROUTE MAGNATE ECLIPSED BY PASSING OF FILM ACTRESS ELIZABETH TAYLOR

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>OBAMA CUTS VACATION SHORT AS U.S. IS KINDA SORTA AT WAR

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>LATEST ELIZABETH TAYLOR DEATH RUMOR APPEARS TO BE GRIMLY TRUE

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>NEW YORK TIMES PASSES ON PICS OF OBAMA TORTURING LIBYAN PRISONERS OF WAR

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>CONGRESS RECONVENES IN D.C. TO FINALLY GET TO WORK ON CONGRESSIONAL PAY RAISE

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>WARMONGERING WHITE HOUSE TO FOLLOW LIBYA WITH INVASION OF BERMUDA

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>NEWS FROM JAPAN INTERRUPTS FINALIZATION OF OBAMA’S FINAL FOUR PICKS

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>DAVID BLAINE STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT CRISS ANGEL LUXOR LEVITATION

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>BURGER KING TO FINALLY DITCH CRAPPY FRIES FOR ONES MORE LIKE McDONALDS’

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>CHARLIE SHEEN MARKS 100TH ‘TIGER’S BLOOD’ TEE SALE WITH WEEK-LONG HEROIN BINGE

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>WHITE HOUSE CAREFULLY COACHING BIDEN ON NEXT WEEK’S ONE-WORD STATEMENT ON LIVE MIC

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>OBAMA EXTENDS ‘DEEPEST CONDOLENCES’ TO JAPAN FROM NINTH TEE

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>NORTON’S NEW ANTIVIRUS INCLUDES FEATURE TO STOP SHEENWARE

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>DONALD TRUMP COMPLETES DAVE RAMSEY’S ‘BABY STEP 27’, NOW HAS $750 MILLION EMERGENCY FUND

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>NEW 290-PROOF DRINKABLE GASOLINE MAKES PRICE REASONABLE TO RAGING ALCOHOLICS

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>GEORGE W. BUSH PRODUCES ALIBI IN ADVANCE OF WHITE HOUSE PRESSER ON JAPANESE QUAKE

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>MSNBC HIRES CHARLIE SHEEN; PROMOTES AS ‘STABLE, MORE INTELLIGENT AND SANE KEITH OLBERMANN’

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>’SAY NO TO CHARLIE SHEEN’S DRUGS’ CAMPAIGN UNVEILED IN FIVE CITIES

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>REPORT: OBAMA TO BOMB LIBYA WITH NOBEL PEACE PRIZES

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>STUXNET II TARGETS IRANIAN NUKE SITES, CHARLIE SHEEN TWITTER ACCOUNT

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>’WINNING’ SHEEN SUFFERING FROM EMERGENCY ROOM WITHDRAWAL

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>SHEEN KIDS SENT TO LIBYA FOR ‘MORE KID-FRIENDLY’ ENVIRONMENT

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