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>INVESTIGATORS STOP PESTERING TIGER FOR INTERVIEW, SETTLE FOR AUTOGRAPHS

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>WINDERMERE POLICE FORCED TO TALK TO TIGER WOODS’ INVESTIGATORS

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>AL GORE OFFERS TIGER A THOUSAND LEFTOVER LAWYERS FROM 2000 ELECTION THEFT ATTEMPT

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>INVESTORS FLEEING FROM RISKY DOLLAR; BANANAS, BRIDGES, AND SWAMP LAND RALLY

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>HAPLESS OBAMA AKS GEITHNER IF $6 TRILLION SPENDING PACKAGE WILL DECREASE DEFICITS

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>TIGER WOODS INJURED IN CAR CRASH DURING 3 A.M. TRIP TO WAL-MART FOR BUY-1-GET-1-FREE GOLF GLOVE SUPER SALE

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>SHOPPERS SCRAMBLE TO ACQUIRE BLACK FRIDAY DEALS, CREDIT CARD DEBT

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>NEW YORKERS PATIENTLY WAIT THROUGH TEN OBAMA CABINET MEMBER BALLOONS AT MACY’S DAY PARADE

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>OBAMA DENIES HOPING WORLD ENDS IN 2012 TO AVOID HAVING TO MAKE AFGHAN TROOP DECISION

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>REPORT: HALF OF STIMULUS JOBS ‘CREATED’ WERE FOR GOV EMPLOYEES COMMISSIONED TO COUNT JOBS STIMULUS CREATED

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>EMERGENCY WORKERS FREE JACKKNIFED OBAMA AFTER BOW TO HEAD OF CHINESE TREASURY

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>ELDERLY KISS MEMBERS FINALLY TIRE OF LABORIOUS MAKEUP PROCESS

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>KUCINICH ’12 CAMPAIGN EVENT DRAWS CROWD OF INNOCENT BYSTANDER

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>LEVI JOHNSTON TO GIVE KEYNOTE ADDRESS AT 2012 DNC

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>WHITE HOUSE: ‘BOW’ TO JAPANESE EMPEROR WAS ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO READ FLOOR TELEPROMPTER

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>NASA FINDS WATER, WATERFRONT HOMES ON MOON

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>ARAB STREET ENFLAMED AGAIN FOR SOME CRAZY REASON

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>OBAMA ‘TOO BUSY’ WITH SESAME STREET ANNIVERSARY TO ATTEND BERLIN WALL EVENT

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>WHITE HOUSE: STIMULUS PURCHASE OF RAINBOW-COLORED PROPELLER HAT ‘CREATED OR SAVED’ 640,000 JOBS

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>GUN ARRESTED FOR ORLANDO AREA SHOOTINGS

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>CNN: ‘ALLAHU AKBAR’-SCREAMING NIDAL MALIK HASSAN WAS MOST LIKELY MEMBER OF WHITE SUPREMECIST GROUP

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>IRAN’S PEACEFUL NUCLEAR ENERGY PROJECT NOW IN ‘ADVANCED WARHEAD DESIGN’ PHASE

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>EUPHORIA OVER GOP WINS GIVES WAY TO REALIZATION THAT OBAMA STILL PRESIDENT

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>OBAMA VOTES ‘PRESENT’ DURING PHONE CONFERENCE WITH GENERAL ON AFGHAN TROOP LEVELS

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>WHITE HOUSE ASKS TALIBAN FOR HELP ON AFGHAN TROOP DECISION

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