Prevent Truth Decay

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>TREKKIES RISK EXTENDING BACHELORHOOD WITH FRENZIED PILGRIMAGE TO NEW STAR TREK FLICK

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>INVESTORS RELIEVED THAT BANKS ONLY NEED ‘BILLIONS AND BILLIONS MORE’ TO SURVIVE; DOW SOARS

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>PRICE OF OIL SKYROCKETS ON GOV’S NEW CAR HANDOUT

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>OBAMA CLAIMS ‘NOT PHOTOSHOPPED’ STAMP PROVES LEGITIMACY OF HIS THREE BIRTH CERTIFICATES

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>CITIGROUP SHARES DROP TO 3.15 KIDNEY BEANS

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>BOSTON GLOBE SCALES BACK TO TOWN CRIER, MYSPACE-ONLY WEB PRESENCE

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>ELIZABETH EDWARDS: ‘JOHN SAID THE MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY TO DETERMINE PATERNITY WILL BE AVAILABLE SOME DAY’

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>TAXPAYERS SHOULDER OBAMA’S $650K AIRFORCE ONE FLIGHT TO LOCAL DC BURGER JOINT

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>AMERICAN COUCH POTATOES SEEM SOMEWHAT EXCITED TO BE FINALLY GETTING ‘THEIR FAIR SHARE’

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>LESS HOT, MORE POLITICALLY-CORRECT CONTESTANT WINS ANOTHER BEAUTY PAGEANT

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>DOW TANKS AFTER OBAMA MENTIONS ‘MORE I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH’

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>SWINE FLU MASK INDUSTRY MOGULS INSIST WORST IS YET TO COME

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>MARY MATALIN FINALLY DECKS JAMES CARVILLE

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>REAM OF COPY PAPER RESERVED FOR OBAMA’S GITMO PLAN RECEIVES PARTY LINE VOTE IN SENATE

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>AMBITIOUS NASA PLEDGES MAN ON THE SUN BY 5019

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>BUSH RELAXING POOLSIDE WITH VIRGIN DAIQUIRI, TAN-THRU FLU MASK

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>FLU MASK SALES SURGE DESPITE SWINE FLU PANDEMIC FEARS; OBAMA ECONOMIC ADVISORS STUMPED

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>112 YR OLD SEN. BYRD GIVEN A PASS FOR NOT EMBRACING TWITTER

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>DEMOCRATS SAY ‘YES’ TO SUPREME COURT NOMINEE, SAY THEY ‘ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO FIND OUT WHO IT WILL BE’

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>SKIDDISH INVESTORS JUMPING OUT OF GOLD, INTO TAMIFLU

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>NY STATE TAX AUDITOR TAXES LIMBAUGH FOR MENTIONING NEW YORK

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>CONFUSED MIKE GRAVEL RE-LAUNCHES 2008 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN

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>RECESSION FORCES McDONALDS TO REPLACE CHICKEN WITH "CHICKEN"

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>WHITE HOUSE URGES AMERICANS TO LIMIT TRAVEL TO BIDEN’S PUBLIC EVENTS

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