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>ECONOMISTS QUESTION WHETHER NEW WORK-FREE ‘OBAMA MONTH’ HOLIDAY IS GOOD FOR ECONOMY

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>OBAMA SPOKESINDIVIDUAL: HONEYMOON WON’T LAST BEYOND 2012

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>HOMELESSNESS RATE PLUMMETS ON OBAMA PRESIDENCY-ELECT

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>OBAMA PLEDGES TO ‘STOP PESTERING IRAN LIKE BUSH DID’

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>’TOO GOOD TO RETIRE’ OBAMA LOGO TO REPLACE ‘OLD SCHOOL’ PRESIDENTIAL SEAL

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>CUBAN GOV: 72K PEOPLE EVACUATED IN FRONT OF U.S.-CREATED HURRICANE

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>OBAMA TO ALLOW BUSH TO SERVE OUT TERM

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>McCAIN TO GRANT SIT-DOWN MEDIA INTERVIEWS ‘BY HOLOGRAM ONLY’

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>OBAMA MULLS MICHAEL MOORE FOR ‘LIAISON TO THE GOP’

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>OBAMA OFFERS ‘CONFETTI CLEANUP OVERSIGHT’ POSITION TO HILLARY CLINTON

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>SEAN HANNITY PRE-COMPLIES WITH FAIRNESS DOCTRINE, ATTACKS RUSH LIMBAUGH

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>HILLARY CLINTON GAINS EDGE OVER PALIN AND RON PAUL IN 2012 ‘LIKELY VOTERS’ GALLUP POLL

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>OBAMA OFFERS PRESIDENCY TO McCAIN AFTER NATIONAL SECURITY INTELLIGENCE BRIEFING

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>McCAIN HITS GYM, TRAINS WITH MEDICINE BALL FOR 2012 PRIMARY RUN AGAINST PALIN

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>CHICKEN SHORTAGE REPORTED IN KENYA AFTER OBAMA VICTORY SLAUGHTERFEST

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>DOW DROPS 500 POINTS ON FAILED ECONOMIC POLICIES OF BUSH AND OBAMA

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>McCAIN INSISTS: ‘WE’RE RIGHT WHERE WE WANT TO BE’

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>MILLIONS GETTING IMPATIENT ON PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA’S HANDOUTS

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>XANAX SHORTAGE REPORTED IN WAKE OF OBAMA TAKEOVER

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>McCAIN RETAINS AL GORE TO ADVISE ON ELECTION LOSS LITIGATION PROCEEDINGS

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>OBAMA DENIES PLANS TO MOVE INAUGURATION FROM CAPITOL TO BETHLEHEM

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>IOWA CALLED FOR OBAMA WITH -3% REPORTING

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>ECONOMISTS WEIGH EFFECT AS McCAIN SIGN VANDALIZERS REJOIN WORKFORCE

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>HAMAS MONITORING CHICAGO POLLS, FEW PROBLEMS REPORTED

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>INEPT McCAIN CAMPAIGN SENDING CANDIDATE TO BERKELEY, CA FOR 11TH HOUR PUSH

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>BIDEN SPOOKED BY QUICK SLIDE INTO SOCIALISM, VOTES FOR McCAIN

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>LONG LINES REPORTED AT ARMY SURPLUS AND BUNKER SUPPLY OUTLETS

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>BEWILDERED MINNESOTANS WARNED THAT AL FRANKEN CANDIDACY IS NOT A PRANK

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>McCAIN ASKS FOR $50 BILLION ELECTION DAY BAILOUT

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>CONFIDENT OBAMA RIPS UP RECEIPT TO GRANT PARK VICTORY STAGE, STYROFOAM COLUMNS

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>THOUSANDS OF VOTES FOR PAT BUCHANAN IN PALM BEACH COUNTY INDICATE POSSIBLE ELECTION PROBLEMS

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>McCAIN CHANGES GEARS, SAYS ‘VOTE FOR ME TO DAMPEN THAT ONE’S MASSIVE MANDATE’

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>McCAIN HEDGES ELECTION DAY OUTCOME WITH JANUARY 20 CLUB MED RESERVATION

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>BODY DOUBLES SUSPECTED IN McCAIN’S ’50 STATES IN 50 HOURS’ PRE-ELECTION BLITZ

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>CAR ROLLED OVER IN ANTICIPATION OF SOME KIND OF ELECTION OUTCOME

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>McCAIN’S ‘MAC IS BACK’ BATTEL CRY DISAPPOINTS CROWDS EXPECTING FREE BIG MACS

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>McCAIN AIDES STRUGGLE TO CARRY CANDIDATE AND RESPIRATOR ACROSS FINISH LINE

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>POLICE: RIOTS FEARED IF OBAMA FAILS TO WIN RECORD LANDSLIDE

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>OBAMA CLARIFIES DEFINITION OF RICH AS ‘THOSE EARNING MONEY PER YEAR OR MORE’

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>POLLS SEE POSSIBLE McCAIN WIN, OR RECORD-SETTING OBAMA BLOWOUT

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>McCAIN FACES HISTORIC BLOWOUT, SAYS ‘WE’RE EXACTLY WHERE WE WANT TO BE’

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>DER SPIEGEL ENDORSES ‘CONSERVATIVE’ OBAMA

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>OBAMA PROMISES TAX CUTS FOR ‘INSANELY WEALTHY’ MAKING $70K OR LESS

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>CONFIDENT OBAMA COMMISSIONS IRAN-TO-IRAQ ROAD ‘WIDE ENOUGH FOR TANKS’

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>OBAMA ENLISTS RACHEL MADDOW AS WORKOUT PARTNER AFTER SCHWARZENEGGER COMMENT

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>EARLY VOTERS TURN OUT TO CAST VOTE FOR OBAMA SPEECHES

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>FLORIDA EXTENDS ‘EARLY VOTE RECOUNT’ INTO DECEMBER

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>LEAK: AFTER CANDID CAMERA REVELATION TO U.S., EARLY OBAMA VOTERS WILL BE ALLOWED TO RE-VOTE

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Filed under: Satire

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