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>OBAMA CAMPAIGN READIES FOR CATEGORY 5 HURRICANE PHOTO OPS

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>OBAMA DROPS BIDEN, TAPS PAMELA ANDERSON TO COMPETE WITH McCAIN’S ‘HOT VEEP’ PALIN PICK

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>EXCITED OBAMA ACCIDENTALLY STOPS TALKING LIKE A HONKY TWICE DURING ROUSING SPEECH

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>LEAK: McCAIN TO DRAG VP PICK ONTO OBAMA’S STAGE DURING DNC SPEECH TO INTRODUCE HIM TO AMERICA

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>OBAMA SEEKS TO REPLICATE AL GORE CONVENTION SPEECH BOUNCE BY FRENCH KISSING TIPPER GORE

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>OBAMA SEEKS TO REPLICATE AL GORE CONVENTION SPEECH BOUNCE BY FRENCH KISSING TIPPER GORE

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>HILLARY CLINTON ASKS BILL TO NOT EMBARRASS HER AT DNC BY ATTACKING ANY WOMEN

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>SEN. CLINTON APPLAUDED FOR SUSPENDING HER CAMPAIGN, OFFERING OBAMA HER DELEGATES AND SUPPORT ON THIRD EVENING OF DNC

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>LEAK: SEN. OBAMA PERSONALLY SELECTED ‘CLEAN, ARTICULATE HONKY’ BIDEN

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>HILLARY BRISTLES AT OBAMA’S CONSIDERATION OF CHELSEA CLINTON FOR VP SPOT

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>HILLARY CLINTON PRESSURING DNC TO ALLOW HER TO GIVE OBAMA’S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH IN DENVER

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>SEN. OBAMA GIVES ULTIMATUM TO RUSSIA, OFFERS SUDETENLAND TO MOSCOW IN RETURN FOR CEASEFIRE IN GEORGIA

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>FRENCH MILITARY SURRENDERS TO MICHAEL PHELPS

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>FORMER SEN. JOHN EDWARDS ADMITS TO AFFAIR MOMENTS BEFORE OLYMPIC OPENING CEREMONIES, FOR MAXIMUM MEDIA EXPOSURE

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>VATICAN BALKS AT OBAMA SAINTHOOD REQUEST

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>OBAMA SPREADS OWN CAVIAR, WEARS ARMANI SHIRT WITH BLUE COLLAR TO IDENTIFY WITH ‘HARD WORKING BLUE COLLAR WORKERS’

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>OBAMA DISTANCES SELF FROM LUDACRIS, REMOVES HIM FROM MYSPACE TOP 8

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>OBAMA COMPRIMISES ON DRILlING, SUGGESTS ALLOWING DRILLING ‘IN EXISTING BARRELS FULL OF OIL’

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>McCAIN COURTS GEN-Y WITH EYELID PIERCING, LEAK OF HIP iPHONE APPS LIST

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>COMMERCIAL DEVELOPMENT THREATENING NATURAL HABITAT OF FLORIDA REDNECKS

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