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>McCAIN: FAINTING FROM BOREDOM AT MY EVENTS ‘IS FAINTING NONETHELESS’

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>OBAMA RAISES A RECORD $50 MILLION FROM FORMER CLINTON SUPPORTERS

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>CLINTON ADDS ONE EIGHTH OF A DELEGATE TO TOTAL

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>CLINTON CELEBRATES ‘MOST LIKELY NOT, BUT MAYBE’ VOW FROM SUPERDELEGATE

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>NEWS OF RECORD COOLING TREND HAS GORE HOT – FRIEND

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>RIGHT-WING HATEMONGER VISCIOUSLY ATTACKS SEN. OBAMA BY USING HIS REAL NAME

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>DEMS HOLD FINAL FIREWORK-FREE DEBATE

>CLINTON FAILS TO DELIVER DEATH BLOW COCAINE QUESTION

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>BENNY HINN FAINTS AT BARACK OBAMA STADIUM EVENT

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>PENTAGON DECLINES CLINTON REQUEST TO BORROW B2-BOMBER FOR DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION

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>SEVERAL FAINT DURING HILLARY CLINTON RALLY WHILE WATCHING AN OBAMA SPEECH ON THEIR PDA PHONES

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>NY TIMES: HUCKABEE CHEATED ON GIRLFRIEND, STOLE LUNCH MONEY SAYS UNIDENTIFIED FORMER SCHOOLMATE

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>IN LATEST CLINTON BLUNDER, HILLARY STARTS SPEECH WITH ‘WHEN BARACK IS PRESIDENT…’

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>OBAMA ACCEPTS VEEP SPOT IN EXCHANGE FOR ‘PROMISE TO NOT BE VINCE FOSTERED BY THE CLINTON KILLING MACHINE’

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>SEN. McCAIN: ‘MY FRIENDS AT THE NEW YORK TIMES ARE EVIL, WICKED PEOPLE’

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>McCAIN HOLDS PRESS CONFERENCE, DENIES ‘CLINTONESQUE AFFAIR’ WITH D.C. CUTIE

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>HUCKABEE ‘LOOKING FORWARD TO SQUARING OFF AGAINST MIKE GRAVEL IN THE GENERAL ELECTION’

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>FORMER RIVALS OBAMA, EDWARDS MEET BEHIND QUICKIE MART IN DES MOINES

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>eBAY FEE CHANGES DRIVE U.S. ECONOMY DEEPER INTO RECESSION

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>HILLARY CLINTON CATCHES HER MOM ON STREET CORNER WITH ‘OBAMA FOR PREZ’ SIGN, SHIRT, HAT, AND BALLOONS

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>OBAMA TO UNVEIL ‘SLIGHT MODIFICATION’ TO ‘CHANGE’ MESSAGE

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>TWELVE CIVILIANS WOUNDED IN CLINTON -OBAMA CROSSFIRE

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>ROMNEY HOLDS NOSE, ENDORSES McCAIN

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>OBAMA TO CLINTON: ‘YOU’VE BEEN THERE BEFORE… CAN YOU TELL ME THE MEASUREMENTS OF THE DRAPES?’

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>SEN. CLINTON MAY THROW IN TOWEL, DECIDE TO PIMP OUT CHELSEA FOR OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME ‘FIRST PARENTS’

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>HILLARY CLINTON ACCUSES SEN. OBAMA OF ‘COPYING MY BLACK VOICE’

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>HUCKABEE ‘BASKING IN HIS FRONT-RUNNING SECOND PLACE STATUS’

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>ROMNEY DROPS OUT, ENDORSES GIULIANI

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>VOTE CAST FOR MIKE GRAVEL IN ‘HIGH-IQ DISTRICT’ SPARKS VOTING IRREGULARITY INVESTIGATION

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>CLINTON HIRES GEORGE LUCAS TO PRODUCE HER NEXT ‘HUMAN MOMENT’

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>McCAIN: ‘ONLY I CAN SEND BILL AND HILLARY BACK TO THEIR SEPARATE LIVES AND BEDS’

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>McCAIN STAFFERS DON BODY ARMOR IN ANTICIPATION OF ROMNEY WIN IN CALIFORNIA PRIMARY

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>HILLARY IN TEARS AFTER HEARING NEAL BOORTZ COMMENTARY ABOUT HER PRE-PRIMARY CRYING STRATEGY

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>IRAN INTIMIDATED BY HILLARY CLINTON TEARS. VOWS TO DISMANTLE NUKE SITES

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