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>MURTHA: THE SURGE IS UNFORTUNATELY WORKING IN IRAQ, BUT NOTHING HAS IMPROVED

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>OBAMA-BLOOMBERG BREAKFAST MYSTERY SOLVED

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>REPORT: MEDICAL ATTENTION POSES DEADLY RISKS

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>O’BOYS BAR-B-QUE MISINTERPRETS PLEDGE TO BAN PORK SPENDING, SUES SEN. McCAIN

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>FRENCH YOUTHS RIOT DESPITE ‘MUSLIM-LOOKING APPEARANCES’

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>PALESTINIAN PRIME MINISTER ABBAS PLEDGES TO ‘SHAKE AN ISRAELI HAND AND MEAN IT’ BY 2019

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>NY TIMES REPORTER AWARDED FOR ‘SCOOP’ ON SECRET FEB 13 ISRAELI STRIKE ON IRAN

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>LIBERALS URGE SUPREME COURT TO RECONSIDER AMERICANS’ RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS IN COMBAT

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>OBAMA CLAIMS GOOD TIMES ON DRUGS WAS ‘WASTE OF TIME’

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>JOHN EDWARDS’ NET WORTH HIT BY RISING FUEL COSTS FOR INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH HAIR EQUIPMENT

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>SEN. KERRY VOWS TO DISPROVE SWIFT BOAT CLAIMS ‘ONCE AND FOR ALL’ BY 2023

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>DENNIS KUCINICH BASKS IN THE GLOW OF SELF-PROCLAIMED DEBATE VICTORY

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>O.J. SIMPSON TO STAND TRIAL FOR STEALING HIS OWN STUFF A FEW YEARS AFTER CUTTING OFF WIFE AND FRIEND’S HEADS

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>POLL: HILLARY CLINTON’S NON-MUSLIM-SOUNDING NAME A ‘PLUS’

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>U.S. GOV PLEDGES TO IMPROVE VEHICLE FUEL EFFICIENCY STANDARDS BY 3012

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>CLINTON PLANTS QUESTION GIRL IN RIVER WITH NEW PAIR OF CONCRETE SHOES

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>BEAUTICIANS BEGIN FINE-TUNING JOHN EDWARDS’ MAKEUP AND HAIR FOR NEXT WEEK’S DEBATE

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>CLINTON CAMPAIGN THREATENS TO ‘VINCE FOSTER’ WOLF BLITZER IF HE PRESSES HILLARY TO ANSWER QUESTIONS IN NEXT DEBATE

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>GLOBAL WARMING BLAMED FOR CLIMATE CHANGE DEBATE

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>JOHN McCAIN’S MOM SURPASSES SON IN LATEST ZOGBY POLL

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>PC VIRUS SENDS MYSPACERS OUTDOORS, INTO ‘FIRST LIFE’

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>ROBERT REDFORD’S ANTI-WAR FILM OPENS TO CROWD OF TENS

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>FRENCH PRESIDENT APPPLAUDS AMERICANS FOR ‘STANDING UP TO WHINERS AND CRYBABIES, LIKE THE FRENCH’

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>KUCINICH PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN SUSPENDED FOR FOUR DAY STAR TREK CONVENTION

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>EBONY MAGAZINE READER BLINDED BY ‘WHITE GLARE’ FROM NEW MICHAEL JACKSON COVER

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>CALLER TO RUSH LIMBAUGH PROGRAM OUTS PROFIT-SEEKING CHENEY AS 9-11 MASTERMIND

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>HILLARY ‘ACCIDENTALLY’ HITS SEND, EMAILS BARACK OBAMA PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE SNUB VIDEO TO 10 MILLION

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>DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES UNVEIL DEEP AND LONG-HELD, BUT PREVIOUSLY UNDISCLOSED, FAITH IN RELIGIOUS STUFF

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>DEMS: COMING BUSH RECESSION BEING STIFLED BY SURPRISINGLY ROBUST ECONOMY

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>AL SHARPTON FILES HOMESTEAD EXEMPTION ON NEW RESIDENCE AT DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER’S FRONT LAWN

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>CAMPAIGN STAFFERS EXPRESS CONCERN OVER DENNIS KUCINICH’S NEW TIN FOIL HAT

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