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>NY MAYOR BLOOMBERG IGNITES PRESIDENTIAL BID RUMORS WITH NATIONAL BAN ON KEY LIME PIE SUGGESTION

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>APPLE TO SELL FIRST iPHONE FROM BETHLEHEM MANGER

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>AL GORE, MICHAEL MOORE LEAD IN DEM POLL

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>EARTHQUAKES, WEATHER PATTERNS, WARS AND RUMORS OF WARS COINCIDENTALLY SIMILAR TO BIBLE FABLES

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>PARIS HILTON’S LARRY KING APPEARANCE SET TO BOOST LAGGING TV SEASON

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>FRED THOMPSON DENIES PRESIDENTIAL ASPIRATIONS, CALLS PRESS CONFERENCE NEXT WEEK IN NASHVILLE TO ANNOUNCE WHITE HOUSE BID

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>PAPARAZZI SCRAMBLES FOR PHOTOS OF CLAY AIKEN’S BABY BUMP

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>NY TIMES: ISRAEL PLANS COVERT INCURSION INTO GAZA ON THURSDAY AROUND NOON

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>RICHARD GERE FINALLY LANDS FIRST BUDDHIST CONVERT

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>BUSH, CHERTOFF AGREE ON ADDITIONAL 14 FEET OF BORDER FENCE

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>PALESTINIAN PRESIDENT ABBAS GIVES GREEN LIGHT FOR CAPTURED FATAH FIGHTERS TO ‘BEGIN FIGHTING BACK’

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>SEN. REID: WAR IN IRAN IS A FAILURE

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>STEVEN SPIELBERG USES FUNDRAISER FOR OBAMA TO ANNOUNCE SUPPORT FOR CLINTON

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>ISRAEL EXCHANGES GOLAN HEIGHTS FOR PIECE OF PIE

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>ISRAELI CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION: NEW SPY SATELLITE VIOLATES IRANIAN PRIVACY

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>PARIS HILTON TO NO LONGER ‘ACT DUMB’, WILL USE PRISON LIBRARY RESOURCES TO PURSUE PREVIOUSLY ELUSIVE 8TH GRADE DIPLOMA

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>L.A. NIGHTLIFE CROWD PRESSURES BUSH TO PARDON PARIS HILTON

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>VERMONT DENIED G8 MEMBERSHIP

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>WESLEY SNIPES: ‘FEDS ARE TAXING ME BECAUSE I’M BLACK’

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>EVEREST EXPEDITION SET BACK BY ‘HEIGHT OF THE MOUNTAIN’ AND ‘CRAZY AMOUNTS OF SNOW AND ICE’

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>CINDY SHEEHAN TREATED IN CUBAN HOSPITAL FOR ADDICTION TO HUGO CHAVEZ

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>BONO THREATENS TO REMOVE SUNGLASSES AGAIN AT G8 IF POVERTY NOT ERADICATED

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>PARIS HILTON: TRIP BACK TO JAIL IS ‘DOUBLE JEOPARDY’

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>CNN INTERRUPTS G8 COVERAGE WITH PARIS HILTON POLICE TRANSPORT TRAFFIC LIGHT STOP

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>BBC BREAKING: BONO REMOVES GLASSES AT G8 SUMMIT

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>TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR OF ANTI-HILLARY BOOKS RATTLES WASHINGTON D.C. CLIMATE STABILITY

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>SEN. CLINTON: FLORIDA PASTOR ASSAULTED MY PERSONAL SPACE WITH UNSCRIPTED ABORTION QUESTION

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>DENNIS KUCINICH (DEMOCRAT-U.S.) LAUNCHES CAMPAIGN SITES ON PRODIGY, COMPUSERVE

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>HOT NEW BOTOXED HILLARY HITS CAMPAIGN TRAIL, WOOS MALE FRATERNITY JOCK VOTE

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>JOHN EDWARDS PLEDGES TO SPEND MORE TIME AT FAMILY’S SMALLER NANTUCKET COMPOUND, TO ‘EXPERIENCE HOW THE LESS FORTUNATE LIVE’

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>HILLARY CLINTON OUTS SELF AS RELIGIOUS, ACKNOWLEDGES A ‘POWER OF GREATER SIGNIFICANCE THAN MYSELF’

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>HILLARY CLINTON BLAMES RESCUE FROM MARITAL STRIFE ON GOD

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>CINDY SHEEHAN ENJOYS SUN-DRENCHED WEEKEND AT CASTRO’S

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>AREA QUICKIE MART ASSISTANT MANAGER REJECTS OFFER TO COACH ORLANDO MAGIC

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>PRISON OFFICIALS SCORE AUTOGRAPHED PARIS HILTON BOOKING PHOTO

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>NEW YORK TIMES: WILLIAM JEFFERSON (CONGRESS-LOUISIANA) INDICTMENT REMINISCENT OF REPUBLICAN SCANDALS

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>MIKE GRAVEL FAILS TO REACH 1% IN POLLS DESPITE COLORFUL NEW FAQ PAGE ON CAMPAIGN SITE

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