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>REP CONGESSMAN FOLEY RESIGNS OVER ‘PERFECTLY INNOCENT AND WHOLLY APPROPRIATE’ EMAIL EXCHANGE WITH MALE PAGE

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>BUSH RECEIVES BRIEFING TITLED ‘BILL CLINTON DETERMINED TO ATTACK INSIDE THE CHRIS WALLACE HOME’

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>TSA RELAXES AIRLINE SECURITY MEASURES, WILL ALLOW BOMBS ON PLANES

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>NEW YORKERS PROPOSE ‘MOVING THE U.N. TO ANOTHER COUNTRY, LIKE HARLEM PERHAPS’

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>CNN TO AIR 2 HOUR SPECIAL ON IRANIAN PRESIDENT AHMADINEJAD’S ‘DAZZLING TIE-FREE FASHION’

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>HUGO CHAVEZ WAIVES CHRIS MATTHEWS OP-ED AT U.N. NEWS CONFERENCE, ASKS WORLD LEADERS TO READ IT

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>AHMADINEJAD DEPARTS SLEEPOVER AT BRIAN WILLIAMS’ HOUSE FOR TRIP BACK TO IRAN

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>BUSH FAULTED FOR HIGH, LOW GAS PRICES

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>FABIO DROPS 120 POUNDS, WILL RE-ENTER MODELING WORLD AS 90 LB WAIF

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>ROSIE O’DONNELL: ‘HETEROSEXUALS ARE A BIGGER THREAT THAN RADICAL LESBIANS’

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>AL FRANKEN NEGOTIATES SALARY DEAL WITH AIR AMERICA, WILL ACCEPT ONE CASE OF BIC PENS PER MONTH

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>AIR AMERICA CHIEF TO EMPLOYEES: ‘WE SHOULD ALL WEAR SWEATERS’

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>ANN RICHARDS’ DEATH PROVIDES OPPORTUNITY FOR ‘THE MOTHER OF ANTI-BUSH THEMED MEMORIALS’

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>WHITNEY HOUSTON FILES FOR DIVORCE FROM BOBBY BROWN AFTER ‘ROMANTIC ENCOUNTER WITH OSAMA BIN LADEN’

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>BUSH DROWNS SELF IN BOWL OF BEN & JERRY’S AFTER AHMADINEJAD BEFRIENDS IRAQI PM

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>CNN CELEBRATES 5TH ANNIVERSARY OF ITS 9-11 COVERAGE

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>DEMS PICK DENNIS KUCINICH AS THEIR CHOICE FOR SECRETARY OF DEFENSE

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>OIL PRICES PLUMMET

>NEW DISCOVERY OF OIL IN GULF ADDS TO PRESSURE ON DEMOCRATIC PARTY; PRICES OF GAS DROP TO ‘UNCOMFORTABLY LOW LEVELS’

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>GOLF FANS ‘STUNNED AND SHOCKED’ AS TIGER COMES CLOSE TO NOT WINNING FIFTH STRAIGHT TOURNAMENT

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>SCANDAL BREWS OVER INCLUSION OF SAUDI OIL MOGUL IN BUSH’S TOP 8

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