Prevent Truth Decay

The Funny Side of Horribly Depressing News

>SENATE DEMS PUT ALITO IN CROSSHAIRS: ‘WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM, BUT WE SURE CAN’T STAND HIM’

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>PRESIDENT BUSH TO SPEND AFTERNOON PLANNING ADVERSE WEATHER CONDITIONS

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>DEMS FOCUS ON SUPREME COURT NOMINEE’S ‘PREOCCUPATION WITH THE CONSTITUTION’

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>MYSTERY, SCANDAL SURROUND UNNAMED SUPREME COURT NOMINEE

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>IRANIAN PRESIDENT CHASTISED BY ‘SADDENED’ KOFI ANNAN ON ISRAEL DESTRUCTION STATEMENT

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>NPR ANNOUNCES ’25TH YEAR OF MISPRONUNCIATION-FREE PROGRAMMING’

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>BUSH CONSIDERS BORK FOR SUPREME COURT ‘BECAUSE I COULD’

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>BUSH RELUCTANTLY ACCEPTS MIERS WITHDRAWAL WITH SIGH OF RELIEF

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WHITE SOX SWEEP CHICAGO AFTER VICTORY CELEBRATION

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SENATORS GRILL MIERS ON BOWLING SKILLS, HAIRDO

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>CLINTON RAPE VICTIMS HOLD 15 YEAR REUNION

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>LOOTING BREAKS OUT IN ENGLAND AFTER BIRD FLU DISCOVERY

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>SEN. SCHUMER: ‘MIERS LACKS ENOUGH OF MY VOTES TO BE CONFIRMED’

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OPRAH, GOOGLE COMPETE FOR ‘RICHEST ENTITY’

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SADDAM LAWYER ‘ABDUCTED AND ISLAMIZED IN COLD BLOOD’

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HILLARY CLINTON GATHERS STRENGTH, THREATENS U.S. MAINLAND

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HURRICANE EXPERT MOVES PROJECTED PATH OF WILMA SOUTHWARD, OUT OF ‘CONCERN FOR MY OWN HOUSE’

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>MUSLIMS FEAR BARBARIC BACKLASH FROM EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS AFTER BIBLE DESECRATION

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>SEN. DELAY DIPS INTO THURSDAY’S LUNCH MONEY FOR $10K BAIL

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>DEMOCRATS REQUEST HANNIBAL LECTER GURNEY FOR SEN. DELAY

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>SADDAM INSISTS HE IS STILL PRESIDENT OF IRAQ, CURRENTLY IN POWER, IN HIS PALACE

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>BUSH PROPOSES LAWSUIT REFORM WITH A ‘LIBERALS PAY’ JUDICIAL SYSTEM

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>BURGER KING: NEW ‘BK JOE’ CONTAINS ‘REAL LIVE COFFEE’

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>STALLONE TO FIGHT MEDICARE BENEFITS REP IN ‘ROCKY VI’

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>CONSERVATIVE WARFARE OVER MIERS NOMINATION LINKED TO SEN. LEAHY’S ‘SHE’S ONE OF US’ COMMENT

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>MAN BEAT BY NEW ORLEANS POLICE: ‘RACE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. EXCUSE ME, WHAT JESSE JACKSON?’

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>SEN. KENNEDY (D, CHAPPAQUIDICK) CALLS BUSH COMMENTS ON TERRORISTS ‘PERSONALLY OFFENSIVE’

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>BARBARA BUSH CHASTISED FOR ‘SNOOPING’ AROUND HUSBAND’S, SON’S SKULL & BONES STUFF

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>TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES ‘TOTALLY EMBARRASSED’ OVER WEDLOCK-FREE PREGNANCY

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>POLITICAL EXPERT: SUPREME COURT NOMINEE MIERS ‘SURE TO BE ACCUSED OF HALLIBURTONISM’

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>EARLY MORNING SUPREME COURT NOMINATION FINDS SEN. KENNEDY ‘HUNG OVER AND UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT’

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