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>PINEALAS POLICE HOST FOOD INTERDICTION FORUM

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>Feeding Tubes Placed on Florida Contraband List

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>CHIEF JUSTICE REHNQUIST BLESSES EASTER CROWD OF PILGRIMS TO ST. PETER’S SQUARE

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>INCLUSION OF HUMAN FINGERS IN WENDY’S CHILI SLOWS SALES

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>ARMED POLICE CALLED IN TO PROTECT TERRY SCHIAVO FROM POTENTIAL RESCUERS

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>TERRY SHIAVO UPDATE: REINSERTED MEDIA FEEDING FRENZY TUBE TO BE REMOVED TODAY, AGAIN

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>LEAK: ISRAEL DRAWS SECRET PLANS TO ATTACK IRANIAN KORAN PUBLISHER

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>PLANS ANNOUNCED TO PUT STARBUCKS INSIDE ATMS

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>HILLARY DENIES INSTIGATING AFFAIR WITH McCAIN IN ATTEMPT TO ‘COURT MODERATES’

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>NY TIMES: IRAQ WMD DIDN’T EXIST, THEY WERE LOOTED

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>TERRY SCHIAVO UPDATE: MEDIA FEEDING TUBE TO BE REMOVED AT 1 PM, REINSERTED AT 3 PM

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>HIPPIES MAKING LOVE IN SPITE OF WAR

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>U.S.-AMERICANS HYPHENATE FOR ‘EXTREME PATRIOTISM’

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>BUSH: WINDS OF DEMOCRACY ARE BLOWING THROUGH MIDEAST, WASHINGTON

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>SCOTT PETERSON REVIEWS SAN QUENTIN INMATE POPULATION FOR POSSIBLE WIFE

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>TERRY SCHIAVO CASE UPDATE: MEDIA FEEDING TUBE REINSERTED

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>DEMOCRATS, ‘ENVIRONMENTALIST TYPES’ OPPOSE PLAN TO DRILL FOR CARIBOU IN ALASKA

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>INDIANAPOLIS RIVER DYED GREEN FOR SOME STUPID REASON

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>U.S.-AMERICANS HYPHENATE FOR ‘EXTREME PATRIOTISM’

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>BALLPLAYERS FIRE BACK: GRILL SENATORS ON APPARENT USE OF WEIGHT-GAIN SUPPLEMENTS

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>SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS AGE TO BE BUMPED TO 95

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>GAS PRICES PLUMMET TO RECORD HIGH

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>DEMOCRATS BLAST BUSH’S ‘SUPREME COURT NOMINEES FOR THE RICH’

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>TERESA HEINZ HEINZ CRIES FOUL OVER ’06 AND ’08 ELECTION RESULTS

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>MAPS TO LIST CALIFORNIA’S 9TH CIRCUIT COURT OF APPEALS JURISDICTION AS ‘OCCUPIED TERRITORY’

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>SIX ‘SIZZLING’ STOCK TIPS LEAKED BY KIPLINGER’S

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>ITALY TO PULL TROOP FROM IRAQ

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>HILLARY CLINTON: ‘HOW MANY TIMES DOES CONDI HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT SHE’S NOT RUNNING?’

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>LEAK: ISRAEL DRAWS SECRET PLANS TO ATTACK IRANIAN KORAN PUBLISHER

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>NY TIMES: IRAQI WMD DIDN’T EXIST, THEY WERE LOOTED

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>BENNY HINN: CONGREGATION-FUNDED $2,689-A-NIGHT HOTEL ROOM IN CANCUN WAS ‘THE CHEAPEST ONE GOD LEAD ME TO’

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>PORT OFFICIALS CONCERNED OVER POSSIBILITY OF ‘ILLEGAL VESSEL ENTRY VIA TIDAL WAVE’

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>HILLARY DENIES INSTIGATING AFFAIR WITH SEN. McCAIN IN ATTEMPT TO ‘COURT MODERATES’

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>NEWS ORGS SCRAMBLE TO RESCIND ‘ERROR-FILLED’ REPORTS OF BILL CLINTON SURGERY DEATH

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>MICHAEL JACKSON’S UMBRELLA GUY OFFERED PAY IN LLAMA FEED I.O.U.

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>MODERATELY CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN DEMOCRAT HILLARY CLINTON VISITS SEN. SANTORUM, BASHES HOLLYWOOD

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>CNN.COM BREAKING NEWS: MICHAEL JACKSON HAS 9 SECONDS TO SHOW UP FOR COURT

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>MICHAEL JACKSON TAKES FLIGHT FROM LAW IN SOLID GOLD WHITE BRONCO

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>DAN RATHER MULLS STINT ON VH1’S ‘THE SURREAL LIFE’

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>CBS NEWSROOM INSIDER: ‘DAN RATHER’S FROWN WILL BE MISSED’

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>AILING POPE TO ADMINISTER MASS VIA BLOG UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

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>NEWS OF SADDAM CAPTURE ARRIVES IN CUBA

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>DAN RATHER: ‘MY LEGACY IS AS TATTERED AS A HILLBILLY IN A SHREDDER… AS TARNISHED AS THE MARBORO MAN’S LUNG IN BLACK PAINT’

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>ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER BERLUSCONI KILLED IN ‘FRIENDLY FIRE’ FROM U.S. SNIPER

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>SUV OWNER SELLS SUV TO AFFORD FUEL FOR IT

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>BUSH: ‘BOLTON IS PERFECT FOR THE U.N. AMBASSADORSHIP… HE HATES THE U.N.’

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>SENIOR BUSH ‘UNCOMFORTABLE’ IN BED WITH CLINTON AND ‘FRIEND’ ROLLING AROUND ON FLOOR

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>AILING POPE TO ADMINISTER MASS VIA BLOG UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

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>ORGAN DONATION RECRUITERS DESCEND ON DAYTONA BEACH FOR ‘BIKE WEEK’

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>MARTHA STEWART WEIGHT LOSS AND ‘REBOUND’ PROVES THAT CRIME PAYS

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